Why is that?

I have my theories as you might imagine…  I think we make decisions early in life based on what other people want, what other people expect from us, regardless of whether it fits into our dreams.

How many people do you know that have a college degree that they worked hard for, and somebody likely spent a lot of money for, and now are either doing something else entirely? I’ll bet you only know a handful of people that are are doing what they were “schooled” for and of the ones that are,  I’ll bet many of them are miserable!

Some of our decisions are made for us… Like children. Many kids are “accidents”. But they are accidents that can change the course of your life! Some of us even go so far as to marry the person that we have an accident with… Kinda like compounding the accident. Before ya say it, I’m all for kids having two parents, I have just seen too many of these situations NOT work out because the parents are miserable with themselves and each other… and the kids feel that, and will pay for that for years to come!

Here’s a challenge for ya, and I have asked this before and gotten some replies, but I challenge you to go deeper this time. To spend some time with this answer. It’s important, so treat it like that!

I’ll do mine and my hope is that you will follow me!

What is your dream?

This will come as no surprise to many of you. I dream of living my life in Key West, Fl. (Now here is where I DON”T want you to stop… Go deeper)

I dream of living a life where I can be in service to other business owners and people. I already have a pretty successful Coaching and Consulting practice, but I want to focus my skills and talents in Key West.

Key West is a small Island, with a LOT of businesses. I want to make a real difference to the city, the community and the people of Key West. I want to help people achieve the dream that they came to key West looking for.

Many people move here looking for a place that they can enjoy a life filled with their friends and family and fun in the sun. Sadly most get lost a long the way, many people haven’t stepped foot  on a boat in years (Even though this was a big chunk of their dreams) I want  to help them find and achieve that dream by helping them grow their businesses, by helping them re-prioritize their lives, by helping them learn to dream again!

I know if I follow this dream fearlessly, if I ignore all the naysayers and jealous people, if I listen to my intuition, in the end, I’ll lay my head to rest for my final rest with a peaceful soul… and that in the end is my dream… To live life with a peaceful, loving soul and a life filled with laughter and love!

See as I wrote this I gained clarity! My dream is really “To live life with a peaceful, loving soul and a life filled with laughter and love!”!

Please take some time to really think about your reply. I would LOVE to help you follow your dream fearlessly as I am!And don’t get me wrong, I go through periods of wondering if I am doing the right thing, but I always, when I search in my heart, realize that I am on the right path to achieve my REAL dream!

I’ll leave you with these lyrics from “The Impossible Dream” from the Musical “The Man OF La Mancha”…

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I’ll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

Good luck and I look forward to your comments!

Fast forward to 2010. I’m now approaching 50, the Internet is commonplace, Facebook is the way we communicate with each other now. I started digging through old friends and found Susan’s Facebook page…. if I’m to be really naked, a bit of trepidation came over me. The 14-year-old boy in me was awakened. Old feelings came up. Am I good enough? Will she friend me back? What if she doesn’t friend me back?

Now logically, none of this really matters. I’ve been married for 10 years, dated my wife for 10 years before that, so what’s the big deal? I realize as I write this, that there is so much old programming that still controls what we do from day to day. As much as I think I’ve gotten rid of my old programming, there’s still a lot of that old beaten-down 14-year-old kid that resides inside my heart. Fear. Insecurity. Self-consciousness. And you know what, as I think about it, I’m not positive you can grow up without things like that programed into you. You’d have to live in such a sanitized world. I think, that you would probably have no personality! Plus… how would we learn, after all it’s the mistakes, bumps and bruises that from who we are today!

So… what have we learned here? Well.. You don’t have to be a slave to your old programming. It’s a matter of recognizing when the old programming kicks in. Then you have a choice… change or allow the old programming to control you. Seems easy… not always so easy.

I do think the secret is in living in the now. It’s about being present, and about being aware of your choices and the fact that you’re making choices. You see, if you’re living in yesterday, or if you’re living in tomorrow, you’ll never be able to see the choices that you make today? It’s only by being fully present, that we can move outside of ourselves and watch the choices we make.

Now this choice was a fairly innocent choice, but there a lot of other choices we make all day long but are not so innocent. When, a car runs you off the road, often the first choice you make is to get angry, to yell at the other driver, probably make an obscene gesture, and perhaps use language you wouldn’t use around your priest! That’s a choice! Now let’s analyze this for one second… many of us drive and are kind of asleep when we drive. This applies to the other driver and to you! Had you been fully present, you would have likely caught the other drivers mistake before it became an issue. If the other driver had been fully present, they would have likely not veered into your lane. Your choice would’ve simply been to make a correction, and go on with your day. You would have been free to make that choice, not get aggravated and a very calmly look at this as another driver’s innocent mistake… not an assault on you.

We make the same choices all day long, with our spouse, with our associates at work, with the person we order our Venti Mocha Latte from. How do we control the choices? I’m starting to understand, that the secret really is being present in the now.  For only when we are present in the now, are we free to make these choices. This is really easy to talk about, but not so easy to make a daily practice.

Here’s an exercise I’d like you to try with me. When wer’e driving, let’s commit to being totally 100% present and really in the now. See how it feels to not be distracted by the music on the radio, by the thoughts of where you’re going, or where you’ve been.  Just focus on what’s happening RIGHT NOW!  How long can you do that for? Try to make it through your whole commute to and from work.

How did that feel? Did you notice that you could make better choices? Did you notice you could make choices?

I’d like to leave you with a quote from Eckhart Tolle…

“Forget about your life situation. Pay attention to your life. Your life situation exists in time. Your life is now. Your life situation is mind–stuff. Your life is real”

Talk to me about the exercise you did above. Did you notice you can make better choices? Can use that in other places in your life? Imagine, being totally present when you sit down at your desk to work. Imagine being totally present, and totally focused on just what you are working on. Do you think you get more done, do you think you get more done faster? Talk to me!

Oh… How did things end up with Susan? She friended me back and we have been getting to know each other. She’s a lovely woman wand a killer artisan. You can see the jewelry she makes at her Facebook page . Glad I thought about it and made the choice!

I learn so much from my dogs. She doesn’t judge and say… “Nah… looks like he’s not giving anything up today.” She just does what she does. She waits and sometimes she is rewarded.

Now imagine if we did this with our lives. Imagine how different life would be if we didn’t get discouraged every time life didn’t reward us the way we thought it should.

Imagine just how different life would be if we didn’t get discouraged every time a customer that we had worked hard to get, didn’t say “Yes”.

Do you think if you adopted Mango’s determination, patience and thick skin you might see more happiness, you might grow your business, perhaps you might add a few smiles to your day.

Now I’m not saying that to be successful all you have to do is sit around hopefully.

Mango comes to me and waits, I don’t call her. Her sister only sometimes comes… and gets rewarded much less often too.

Mango has a plan, she sticks to it and if it doesn’t pay off, she doesn’t whine, she just goes about her day, maybe takes a nap!

I’d love to discuss this with ya, talk to me!