I love Facebook. I haven’t been in touch with friends from high school, since, well… when I left high school! I’m having a discussion with an old friend who used  to sit next to me in Consumer Math. Back then her name was Susan Carper. Now Susan didn’t know it… but back then I had a big crush on Susan, she was a cheerleader,  I was a theater nut. To be honest, I don’t even know if Susan even knew I was alive. I thought she was out of my league! Funny how we are when were kids…

Fast forward to 2010. I’m now approaching 50, the Internet is commonplace, Facebook is the way we communicate with each other now. I started digging through old friends and found Susan’s Facebook page…. if I’m to be really naked, a bit of trepidation came over me. The 14-year-old boy in me was awakened. Old feelings came up. Am I good enough? Will she friend me back? What if she doesn’t friend me back?

Now logically, none of this really matters. I’ve been married for 10 years, dated my wife for 10 years before that, so what’s the big deal? I realize as I write this, that there is so much old programming that still controls what we do from day to day. As much as I think I’ve gotten rid of my old programming, there’s still a lot of that old beaten-down 14-year-old kid that resides inside my heart. Fear. Insecurity. Self-consciousness. And you know what, as I think about it, I’m not positive you can grow up without things like that programed into you. You’d have to live in such a sanitized world. I think, that you would probably have no personality! Plus… how would we learn, after all it’s the mistakes, bumps and bruises that from who we are today!

So… what have we learned here? Well.. You don’t have to be a slave to your old programming. It’s a matter of recognizing when the old programming kicks in. Then you have a choice… change or allow the old programming to control you. Seems easy… not always so easy.

I do think the secret is in living in the now. It’s about being present, and about being aware of your choices and the fact that you’re making choices. You see, if you’re living in yesterday, or if you’re living in tomorrow, you’ll never be able to see the choices that you make today? It’s only by being fully present, that we can move outside of ourselves and watch the choices we make.

Now this choice was a fairly innocent choice, but there a lot of other choices we make all day long but are not so innocent. When, a car runs you off the road, often the first choice you make is to get angry, to yell at the other driver, probably make an obscene gesture, and perhaps use language you wouldn’t use around your priest! That’s a choice! Now let’s analyze this for one second… many of us drive and are kind of asleep when we drive. This applies to the other driver and to you! Had you been fully present, you would have likely caught the other drivers mistake before it became an issue. If the other driver had been fully present, they would have likely not veered into your lane. Your choice would’ve simply been to make a correction, and go on with your day. You would have been free to make that choice, not get aggravated and a very calmly look at this as another driver’s innocent mistake… not an assault on you.

We make the same choices all day long, with our spouse, with our associates at work, with the person we order our Venti Mocha Latte from. How do we control the choices? I’m starting to understand, that the secret really is being present in the now.  For only when we are present in the now, are we free to make these choices. This is really easy to talk about, but not so easy to make a daily practice.

Here’s an exercise I’d like you to try with me. When wer’e driving, let’s commit to being totally 100% present and really in the now. See how it feels to not be distracted by the music on the radio, by the thoughts of where you’re going, or where you’ve been.  Just focus on what’s happening RIGHT NOW!  How long can you do that for? Try to make it through your whole commute to and from work.

How did that feel? Did you notice that you could make better choices? Did you notice you could make choices?

I’d like to leave you with a quote from Eckhart Tolle…

“Forget about your life situation. Pay attention to your life. Your life situation exists in time. Your life is now. Your life situation is mind–stuff. Your life is real”

Talk to me about the exercise you did above. Did you notice you can make better choices? Can use that in other places in your life? Imagine, being totally present when you sit down at your desk to work. Imagine being totally present, and totally focused on just what you are working on. Do you think you get more done, do you think you get more done faster? Talk to me!

Oh… How did things end up with Susan? She friended me back and we have been getting to know each other. She’s a lovely woman wand a killer artisan. You can see the jewelry she makes at her Facebook page . Glad I thought about it and made the choice!