Forgiveness Is A Powerful Weapon!
Forgiveness
“Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.”
This is a quote from the movie Invictus. Nelson Mandela just took over the country of South Africa as the president after 27 years in prison. He was imprisoned by the people he was now to lead. Mandela decided to integrate the country, including his security forces When the white capital SAS security guard showed up for work, the black Mandela security guards were shocked! How could they work together? These were the people that imprison them, these were the people that tortured them, these were the people that raided their village and killed their families.
Mandela asked them to forgive. “Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.”
This was just at the beginning of the movie, but it was such an important message for me. Forgiveness. Such a simple thing, but so hard to do.
It’s so easy to harbor hate and anger. For some reason, it just feels right. Someone has wronged us… we should be angry with them. If they don’t apologize – we don’t forgive them. If we don’t think they’re giving us a genuine apology we don’t forgive them. It’s our righteous way. Actually… It’s our ego talking.
Have you ever been angry at someone for a long time, maybe so long that you almost forgot why you are angry with them? I’ve been there. Harboring my righteous anger.
If you think about it, who is that anger hurting. It’s quite possible the person you’re angry with, doesn’t even remember that you’re angry with them, maybe, never even knew you are angry with them.
So who are you hurting?
It’s simple, the only person getting hurt is you!.
Perhaps someone has really wronged you, maybe they really hurt you. I challenge you to think this way; is it possible, that they never really intended to hurt you, but were only doing what they thought was right to preserve themselves.
In the above example I talk about the persecution of the black people in South Africa for decades I challenge that the white population that they were persecuting when Mandela was released from prison maybe forgot what started the persecution 27 years before! Heck, some of them may never have even been born then! But, they were raised angry! They were raised to persecute! They were raised to discriminate!
Were they wrong to do this? Well… of course they were wrong. But, it’s what they were taught and raised to believe was right. So consciously, I think, what they were doing was self-preservation and what they thought was right… not something to really wrong the black people. Does this make them any more right? No. But maybe it gives you a reason, to forgive them.
If you were to drive in America, we drive on the right hand side of the road. If you take a holiday in the UK, and you drive on the right-hand side of the road, never knowing that in the UK, they drive on the left-hand side of the road, are you wrong?
Yes, technically you are wrong. You’ll cause accidents. But it’s all you were ever taught! So could you be forgiven for driving on the right-hand side of the road. Sure. Though… once you realize that you should be driving on the left inside the road, you need to learn to drive on the left-hand side of the road. Otherwise, there will be accidents.
Question… Are you harboring anger against people that have wronged you that may not even realize they did anything wrong. Is it possible that you never expressed you’re anger with them? If so…perhaps they don’t even realize they should ask for your forgiveness.
Just an idea… Maybe it’s time to offer forgiveness more freely. Maybe it’s time to stop harboring such anger. Maybe it’s time to stop hurting yourself by harboring this anger.
Imagine a day without anger. A day without that seething anger that you may be harboring against someone or some group of people for years. Try just letting go of that and forgiving them.
Now your initial gut instinct and knee-jerk reaction, could be righteous. “I have a right to be angry!” “I have a reason to be angry!” And that may be so…
But who is the anger really hurting? It’s hurting you. Especially, if the other person or party you’re angry at doesn’t even know you’re angry with, or perhaps doesn’t even care that your angry with them!
Make a list of the people you’re angry with. Maybe it’s a shortlist, maybe it’s a long list. Try and remember why you’re angry with them. Pick one person, and forgive them.
You don’t have to make a big production of forgiving them. In your heart, just forgive them. Let it go. Just think to yourself, “It’s silly for me still to be angry with Pete. It was so long ago and it’s water under the bridge. We all make mistakes!” And let go of the anger, take deep breath and just let it go….
Now doesn’t that feel better! I know, this is easier said than done. But it’s so important, anger is such a dangerous fearful emotion. It is my belief, that anger causes a lot of illness, a lot of pain.
Please try this, I know it may be difficult… But if you really, really, do this. If you really forgive those who harbor anger against you… You WILL eliminate fear and pain. Good luck!
Wise advice, John. While I do get miffed at, even occasionally pissed off at, some people, I’ve never been an angry person. Anger scares me, often because it bursts forth from someone in a way that seems way out of proportion to the alleged offense.
My challenge in forgiveness is not for my own anger towards others but for the anger a few others have directed towards me. Not coming from a family that got angry often, and when we did it blew over quickly, I feel ill-prepared to handle someone else’s anger that stews over a long period of time, even when I’ve apologized.
Any further suggestions?
Thanks for the comment Pam. It’s hard to understand why others get angry at us and won’t forgive. My Mom and Dad were like that….
The truth is, it’s not your emotion to harbor. If they choose to be angry people, that’s their issue. We can’t make everyone happy, we can only be responsible for ourselves.
It’s hurtful when loved ones can’t seem to grasp that our actions or words can come from a bad place, and that we made a mistake. The only thing you can do is sincerely apologize, ask the universe to open their hearts and let go of it.
Holding onto the pain won’t make your life any better, there is absolutely no plus side to your doing that.
One of my mentors and dear friends, Berta Prevosti of JustLoseIt.com advised me to let go of anger that I have with my parents. She explained that we expect so much from these people that created our lives ,and they are just people. They are shlepping through life trying to find happiness the same way we are.
And it’s the same with anyone. I really do believe that most people don’t even notice when they have pissed us off, they are so self absorbed and trying to create the life of their dreams that they don’t even notice when they have trampled in our rose garden!
I would let go of the pain you feel towards this relationship and go on with life as usual. You are responsible for Pam’s happiness and no one elses…
I hope that helps!
John
As always, your observations and advice are spot on. OK, so I’m working on my happiness. The family members who have issues with me (and I get that it’s really issues they have with themselves) will just have to do whatever they do. Not my problem.
Hey John- saw your post on twitter and wanted to read more. Nice job my friend.
One more thing … while I was here I saw your “update twitter conversations” really nice
can you share the plug in?
Accepting that all people will only ever do what is in their perception of their best interest be it love, hate or anything in between is a fundamental well worth to understanding.
As humans we all possess the power of choice.
Mandela chose to believe that even though he was incarcerated he was actually more free than his guards. In truth he was right.
He had no choice but to be in locked up in prison. His views had put him there but he guards didn’t have to work in the prison but they did week in week out.
They walked out at the end of the shift but they knew they voluntarily had to return for their next shift.
This is why he made a point of thanking each of them personally when he was finally released.
We can choose to be offended by what others say and do or we can choose to ignore it. Choosing to be offended about what people say about us is really dumb because you will never ever hear most of what other people say about you so why be offended about the things you do hear?
Where is the gain?
I’m glad I could help! We can really truly only create and control our own happiness.
Rich Schefren told me something once that will always stick with me. We were having a discussion about self esteem and the topic turned to what others thought of us, ya know not wanting to appear the idiot. He said to me “John, what anyone else thinks of you is none of your business!” . Such a great thought and so true…. Seems like it would have been great advice to get when i was 6 years old!
Thanks John. i believe that’s part of the Woo Theme that I am using…
Spot on Derek. As I mentioned to Pam, Rich Schefren once told me during a discussion of self esteem and what others thought of us “John, What other people think about you is none of your business. Those are their thoughts, not yours!”
Thanks for more info on Mandella. I was very inspired by the movie.
Hope to talk soon!
John
http://croz.com.au/a-quick-health-check
Seems the Aussies are saying the same thing in essence.
Derek
Cool! Great minds think alike!
I knew I was on to something!
John
Within my Journey of Personal / Spiritual growth, I had to make a list of people who I was resentful towards and make direct amends to them all no matter what the reason. If I felt that they had wronged me or if I had wronged them, it had to be done.
I was told that harboring resentments was like me drinking a bottle of poison and expecting the person I’m angry at to die. I was told to pray for this other person, wishing for the happiness that I want or myself for them. If I do these things I will find a new found freedom and happiness, I will not regret the past, I will find serenity and know peace. Guess what? I have. Was it easy? A hundred times easier then I had imagined.
Now I am not a very religious man, but the power of prayer has been a very powerful resource in my personal development.
The prayer that I can say has helped me the most is the prayer of St Francis and in a couple of the passages of this prayer it states, that it is better to comfort than to be comforted, it is better to understand than to be understood, it’s better to love than to be loved, for it is by self forgetting that one is forgiven and it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Powerful stuff for a guy that was angry at the world. This “STUFF” has transformed my life and the law of my being for the better. Thank you John for such a great topic. Wishing all a Wonderful Life, JosephDiego….
Than ks for the great and insightful comment. It’s often said hat if we eek revenge, we better dig two graves!”
Anger is a false emotion. It masks real emotions like fear. That’s been a big one for me! And your right, once you begin the journey, your halfway through!
The hard part is silencing your ego. When I get angry and resentful for someone that I think has wronged me, my ego always adds a LOT of fuel to the fire! Now when I am egotistically thinking – Hey This dude owes me an apology I think… “John… Would you rather be right or be happy?”
Happy always trumps right!