“Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.”

This is a quote from the movie Invictus. Nelson Mandela just took over the country of South Africa as the president after 27 years in prison. He was imprisoned by the people he was now to lead. Mandela decided to integrate the  country, including his security forces When the white capital SAS security guard showed up for work, the black Mandela security guards were shocked! How could they work together?  These were the people that imprison them, these were the people that tortured them, these were the people that raided their village and killed their families.

Mandela asked them to forgive. “Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.”

This was just at the beginning of the movie, but it was such an important message for me. Forgiveness. Such a simple thing, but so hard to do.

It’s so easy to harbor hate and anger. For some reason, it just feels right. Someone has wronged us…  we should be angry with  them. If they don’t apologize  – we don’t forgive them. If we don’t think they’re giving us a genuine apology we don’t forgive them. It’s our righteous way. Actually… It’s our ego talking.

Have you ever been angry at someone for a long time, maybe so long that you almost forgot why you are angry with them? I’ve been there. Harboring my righteous anger.

If you think about it, who is that anger hurting. It’s quite possible the person you’re angry with, doesn’t even  remember that you’re angry with them, maybe, never even knew you are angry with them.

So who are you hurting?

It’s simple, the only person getting hurt is you!.

Perhaps  someone has really wronged you, maybe they really hurt you. I challenge you to think this way; is it possible, that they never really intended to hurt you, but were only doing what they thought was right to preserve themselves.

In the above example I talk about the persecution of the black people in South Africa for decades I challenge that the white population that they were persecuting when Mandela was released from prison maybe forgot what started the persecution 27 years before! Heck, some of them may never have even been born then! But, they were raised angry! They were raised to persecute! They were raised to discriminate!

Were they wrong to do this? Well… of course they were wrong. But, it’s what they were taught and raised to believe was right. So consciously, I think, what they were doing was self-preservation and what they thought was right… not something to really wrong the black people. Does this make them any more right? No. But maybe it gives you a reason, to forgive them.

If you were to drive in America, we drive on the right hand side of the road. If you take a holiday in the UK, and you drive on the right-hand side of the road, never knowing that in the UK, they drive on the left-hand side of the road, are you wrong?

Yes, technically you are wrong. You’ll cause accidents. But it’s all you were ever taught! So could you be forgiven for driving on the right-hand side of the road. Sure. Though… once you realize that you should be driving on the left inside the road, you need to learn to drive on the left-hand side of the road. Otherwise, there will be accidents.

Question… Are you harboring anger against people that have wronged you that may not even realize they did anything wrong. Is it possible that you never expressed you’re anger with them? If so…perhaps they don’t even realize they should ask for your forgiveness.

Just an idea… Maybe it’s time to offer forgiveness more freely. Maybe it’s time to stop harboring such anger. Maybe it’s time to stop hurting yourself by harboring this anger.

Imagine a day without anger. A day without that seething anger that you may be harboring against someone or some group of people for years. Try just letting go of that and forgiving them.

Now your initial gut instinct and knee-jerk reaction, could be righteous. “I have a right to be angry!” “I have a reason to be angry!”  And that may be so…

But who is the anger really hurting? It’s hurting you. Especially, if the other person or party you’re angry at doesn’t even know you’re angry with, or perhaps doesn’t even care that your angry with them!

Make a list of the people you’re angry with. Maybe it’s a shortlist, maybe it’s a long list. Try and remember why you’re angry with them. Pick one person, and forgive them.

You don’t have to make a big production of forgiving them. In your heart, just forgive them. Let it go. Just think to yourself, “It’s silly for me still to be angry with Pete. It was so long ago and it’s water under the bridge. We all make mistakes!” And let go of the anger, take  deep breath and just let it go….

Now doesn’t that feel better! I know, this is easier said than done. But it’s so important, anger is such a dangerous fearful emotion. It is my belief, that anger causes a lot of illness, a lot of pain.

Please try this, I know it may be difficult… But if you really, really, do this. If you really forgive those who harbor anger against you… You WILL  eliminate fear and pain. Good luck!

Fast forward to 2010. I’m now approaching 50, the Internet is commonplace, Facebook is the way we communicate with each other now. I started digging through old friends and found Susan’s Facebook page…. if I’m to be really naked, a bit of trepidation came over me. The 14-year-old boy in me was awakened. Old feelings came up. Am I good enough? Will she friend me back? What if she doesn’t friend me back?

Now logically, none of this really matters. I’ve been married for 10 years, dated my wife for 10 years before that, so what’s the big deal? I realize as I write this, that there is so much old programming that still controls what we do from day to day. As much as I think I’ve gotten rid of my old programming, there’s still a lot of that old beaten-down 14-year-old kid that resides inside my heart. Fear. Insecurity. Self-consciousness. And you know what, as I think about it, I’m not positive you can grow up without things like that programed into you. You’d have to live in such a sanitized world. I think, that you would probably have no personality! Plus… how would we learn, after all it’s the mistakes, bumps and bruises that from who we are today!

So… what have we learned here? Well.. You don’t have to be a slave to your old programming. It’s a matter of recognizing when the old programming kicks in. Then you have a choice… change or allow the old programming to control you. Seems easy… not always so easy.

I do think the secret is in living in the now. It’s about being present, and about being aware of your choices and the fact that you’re making choices. You see, if you’re living in yesterday, or if you’re living in tomorrow, you’ll never be able to see the choices that you make today? It’s only by being fully present, that we can move outside of ourselves and watch the choices we make.

Now this choice was a fairly innocent choice, but there a lot of other choices we make all day long but are not so innocent. When, a car runs you off the road, often the first choice you make is to get angry, to yell at the other driver, probably make an obscene gesture, and perhaps use language you wouldn’t use around your priest! That’s a choice! Now let’s analyze this for one second… many of us drive and are kind of asleep when we drive. This applies to the other driver and to you! Had you been fully present, you would have likely caught the other drivers mistake before it became an issue. If the other driver had been fully present, they would have likely not veered into your lane. Your choice would’ve simply been to make a correction, and go on with your day. You would have been free to make that choice, not get aggravated and a very calmly look at this as another driver’s innocent mistake… not an assault on you.

We make the same choices all day long, with our spouse, with our associates at work, with the person we order our Venti Mocha Latte from. How do we control the choices? I’m starting to understand, that the secret really is being present in the now.  For only when we are present in the now, are we free to make these choices. This is really easy to talk about, but not so easy to make a daily practice.

Here’s an exercise I’d like you to try with me. When wer’e driving, let’s commit to being totally 100% present and really in the now. See how it feels to not be distracted by the music on the radio, by the thoughts of where you’re going, or where you’ve been.  Just focus on what’s happening RIGHT NOW!  How long can you do that for? Try to make it through your whole commute to and from work.

How did that feel? Did you notice that you could make better choices? Did you notice you could make choices?

I’d like to leave you with a quote from Eckhart Tolle…

“Forget about your life situation. Pay attention to your life. Your life situation exists in time. Your life is now. Your life situation is mind–stuff. Your life is real”

Talk to me about the exercise you did above. Did you notice you can make better choices? Can use that in other places in your life? Imagine, being totally present when you sit down at your desk to work. Imagine being totally present, and totally focused on just what you are working on. Do you think you get more done, do you think you get more done faster? Talk to me!

Oh… How did things end up with Susan? She friended me back and we have been getting to know each other. She’s a lovely woman wand a killer artisan. You can see the jewelry she makes at her Facebook page . Glad I thought about it and made the choice!

Living Upward: The Real in Reality

By no means am I immune to or ignorant of the realities that life heaps upon all of us, nor do I want to be. But with this new intentional, purposeful life that is taking shape around me and within me, I’m realizing that there’s nothing …

Publish Date: 05/20/2010 10:37

http://lisaperdue.blogspot.com/2010/05/real-in-reality.html

Does Your Attitude Keep You From Having Quality of Life?

Quality of life is accomplished when attentive attention, goal setting, and purposeful action are organized into an active agreement. Happiness, well being, since of accomplishment, good health, purposeful acts, are all part of your …

Publish Date: 05/19/2010 22:21

http://ekodok.com/does-your-attitude-keep-you-from-having-quality-of-life.html

Purposeful Leadership: Self Leadership: Lead yourself to success

Finally, live life with an open mind and remember that oftentimes other people know you better than you know yourself. Listen to what they are really saying about you and then lead yourself to become what you were created to be. …

Publish Date: 02/25/2010 11:01

http://blog.purposefulpartnerships.com/2010/02/self-leadership-lead-yourself-to-success.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PurposefulLeadership+(Purposeful+Leadership)

We Live for a Purpose, No?

So don’t bother saving a spot for someone who won’t make an effort to stay.” It is, very well said. I should start to open up lots for important people in my life and important events to come by. All for a purposeful life. …

Publish Date: 04/24/2010 14:13

http://thyshackles.livejournal.com/24699.html

ARE YOU LIVING A PURPOSEFUL LIFE?

Am I living a purposeful life? I often ask myself this question? My answer may vary depending on the day, month or even the year that I ask myself this question. At times my answer is yes, at times my answer is no and at times my answer …

Publish Date: 04/18/2010 15:27

http://weownourdreams.blogspot.com/2010/04/are-you-living-purposeful-life.html

‘The Universal Law of Allowing- Wisdom’ (Chp 4) By Dorothy Ratusny.MP4

Dorothy Ratusny, A Psychotherapist and the Author of two books: ‘Live Your Life’s Purpose: A guidebook for creating and living a purposeful life’ and ‘The Purpose of Love: A guiebook for defining and cultivating your most significant relationship’ di…

Wayne Dyer – Ambition to Meaning – The Shift (Part 7 of 12)

Dr. Wayne Dyer – Ambition to Meaning – The Shift ([Part 7 of 12) how to find the path to our Spiritual Purpose and therefore our Greatest JOY. Filmed on coastal Californias spectacular Monterey Peninsula, The Shift captures every persons mid-life lon…

So I gotta a say.. I’m kinda pissed.  For the last few weeks my hands and arms have been really, really stiff and hurting.  So much that it’s hard to get dressed in the morning and typing is a REAL chore! Many will say – “Well… that’s part and parcel with Rheumatoid Arthritis!” ( I’ve had RA since I was about 20 years old… I’m a few decades older now!)

But ya know what…It doesn’t seem like it’s my bones anymore, it seems like it’s my Muscles! I get massaged regularly. Deep almost masochistic massage… very painful but it really is exactly what I need. I get Reiki twice a week and am trying to exercise more… but the pain persists… My Reiki Master Berta Prevosti tells me I’m releasing old anger and sadness… Now I don’t really get the whole Reiki thing, but I know it’s really helpful. I have a lot of faith!

I’ve been on a journey of growth and self exploration for about 10 years… I would have thought I would have gotten where I need to get buy now… but I’m learning that the journey is it’s own end. And when push comes to shove… I LOVE this journey! I LOVE growing! I LOVE helping others grow!

And that’s what keeps me going through really tough times like this. I have a passion. I know what my passion is. It’s kinda funny, but when I’m in service with others, a LOT of my pain goes away…

Do you really know your purpose. Do you really understand what you are here for. Now I’m not perfect with this yet, but I’m getting a lot better! I think many of us walk around and through life in quiet desperation, some of us realize that “there must be more to life than this”… some of us feel that we have peaked, and just figure that their purpose is to maintain status quo… I challenge that there is more for all of us. The power to have more is in our hands. No one can give it to you, you need to take it!

So what is your purpose. Maybe you’re not sure. Let me know if you’d like me to write more on how I found my purpose….

When you find yours will you be as excited as Steve Martin in this Clip?

Talk to me… What is your special purpose… How did you find it?

One of the things I have had a hard time NOT noticing is that a lot of us end up where we are in life without a plan, very unintentionally.

For a long time, my path was very random, I would seize opportunity when it showed itself. I would start a job, get promoted a bit, get promoted again, and then get unhappy and leave.

This was a trend and a mistake many companies make… Many companies take their top sales guys and turn them into sales managers… This is often the end of the road for the sales guy. The sales guy loved being in contact with the people, he loved selling, now he pushes papers around on his desk and screams at his sales guys. It’s a sill trend and if more managers thought ahead they would leave a good sales guy where he belongs… SELLING!

So I ended up looking in the help wanted ads (In those days Craig did not have a list of jobs for me!) I found another opportunity and started the cycle over again..

I realized one day that I was in this pattern and needed to create my life on purpose. Since the accidental life is so common I decided I would share my thoughts and help some of ya that realize… “Hey…. this is not where I want to be. I’m not happy and I’m ready to take the steps to find out what I am really supposed to be doing!”

Your first tip… You can be or do just about anything you want to do.

The questions is…

Should you be doing it?

Dare to Dream

Take an hour today and make up a list of what you really dream of being.

I know this may be a stretch for some of you as I have found, many of us have forgotten how to dream. Let go of who you are today.

Just imagine… “if money and time were no object what would really bring you joy and happiness”. It could be a physical thing like a new vacation home in Key West, maybe it’s a new profession… this will be different for everyone.

Have fun with this exercise. It’s a small step, but an important step to developing and planning to have an unreasonably wonderful, joyous life.

Please let me know what you are dreaming of in the comments below, Lets all get wild and crazy and dream today!

I’ll start off…
I dream of living, year round, in my wonderful home in Key West where I am inspired to work every day helping my Clients achieve every dream and goal they have! I know if I help they they will help me achieve my dreams!

I learn so much from my dogs. She doesn’t judge and say… “Nah… looks like he’s not giving anything up today.” She just does what she does. She waits and sometimes she is rewarded.

Now imagine if we did this with our lives. Imagine how different life would be if we didn’t get discouraged every time life didn’t reward us the way we thought it should.

Imagine just how different life would be if we didn’t get discouraged every time a customer that we had worked hard to get, didn’t say “Yes”.

Do you think if you adopted Mango’s determination, patience and thick skin you might see more happiness, you might grow your business, perhaps you might add a few smiles to your day.

Now I’m not saying that to be successful all you have to do is sit around hopefully.

Mango comes to me and waits, I don’t call her. Her sister only sometimes comes… and gets rewarded much less often too.

Mango has a plan, she sticks to it and if it doesn’t pay off, she doesn’t whine, she just goes about her day, maybe takes a nap!

I’d love to discuss this with ya, talk to me!

I’m having a love affair, and it’s not a new one… This one has been going on for about 25 years and finally I’m coming clean.

My love affair is with:

Claude Hopkins!

Who Knew!

If you just said “Claude who?”.  ” He must be awful pretty or at least have the hottest new Internet marketing program or the hottest new whiz bang tool if John’s in love!”

Well.. this is your wake up call.

There really has been nothing new invented for sales and marketing technique in years. What you see today as new and improved is just warmed over versions of what guys like Claude Hopkins and John Caples were doing back in the day of the  “Steam Powered Automobile”.

The book I’m in love with is  a combination of two of Claude Hopkins works. They are “My Life In Advertising” and Scientific Advertising” Both originally published in the 1920’s.

That’s right! Almost 100 YEARS AGO!

Famed Marketer David Ogilvy says:

“Nobody should be allowed to have anything to do with advertising until he has read this book (Scientific Advertising) seven times. It changed the course of my life!”

Here is a link to the book. It’s only about 10 bucks and has millions of dollars in education in it. I re-read this book at least a couple of time a year. I ALWAYS glean something new!

Unsubscribe from all the pitches you get and sit down and read this book.

The secret behind all and any advertising being successful is getting to know your Customer!

Simple? Yes

Easy? Sure!

Often missed? ABSOLUTELY!

Most advertisers spend a lot of time talking about :” The Wonder Of Being Me!”. They discuss how long they have been in business, where they came from, how much they know, how wonderful they are, the awards they have achieved etc etc etc.

But ya know what. Your Customer doesn’t give a hoot about that stuff. They care about what THEY care about.

So… What do they care about?

I don’t know. It’s different for every product and service.

That’s your job to find out. You need to identify who your customer is and really get to know them. Really identify who they are, what their pain is and whet their REAL desires are.

If you just said “Well John, that seems great, but all of my Customers are different.” Then you have a bigger problem.

You need to identify and segment your Customers into related groups. If you are selling a great hand cleaning soap, your customers should be anyone with hands.

But go deeper than that… look at the niches. Perhaps one would be Moms. One might be Automobile Machine shops. One might be Hospital employees.

You need to identify those niches and then create marketing that will speak to them, in their words, solving their problems, eliminating their pains.

Get to know your customers, deeply know them. The future of your business depends on it!

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Locations: Starbucks – Derby, Ct USA

Time: Saturday Morning about 10:00 AM

My Wife and I were out refrigerator shopping. On a side note… I feel that if a refrigerator keeps the beer cold and the food from spoiling I’m Good – SOLD! In fact… I liked  the refrifgerator we ended up with on the 3rd unit, we ended up buying it – 7 hours, 8 stores and 46 units later…. but that’s another story…

We stopped at Starbucks for brerakfast and some morning “go juice”. I’m usually thrilled with their service, today was an exception.

There was a really nice Barista working the counter. He was probably in his late 50’s. He did a great job, and took wonderful care of us.

But as he was serving us… A line about six people deep grew behind us. Now I know that will happen occasionally. Here is where, as a business owner, I get a bit frosty… Sitting at the closest table to the counter is another Barista , jabbering with her girlfriend and enjoying a cup of Joe. Seemingly OBLIVIOUS to what was going on at the store.  She didn’t budge to help this poor Barista clear the line. We sat down, finished our breakfast and she still had not moved.

Now maybe she was on break, or maybe she was off work. I realize that in America people get breaks, but if you’re on a break, go sit in the back or leave the store.

To sit in front of a growing line, laughing with your gal pal is insulting to the Customers that are trying to get the hell out of Starbucks and on with their Saturday. It’s the true sign of someone that does NOT have an owners mentality. If I were there, especially as the owner of the business, I would have jumped up to serve whomever was kind enough to walk in my door and was kind enough to offer to buy my 31 cent cup of coffee for $2.95! After the Customers leave, there will be plenty of time to take your break.

If you have to take your break… and yes, sometimes you just HAVE to… get out of sight. Don’t insult me, the Customer by, from my perspective, ignoring the growing line. It’s just plain rude.

To make matters worse, about 8 minutes later another Barista appeared from the back room… who knows what he was doing back there, it doesn’t matter. The store is full of people who would like to give you their money in exchange for good food and good service. Making them wait 5 or 10 or 3 minutes when they don’t have to is  simply ridiculous.

Use this as a lesson for your business. Are you ready to make hay while the sun shines? Do you forgo your time to serve the Customer? Do you have lines out the door?

Lines out the door can be a good thing. At least you’re attracting people. But if you don’t have a system created and tested and honed to razor sharpness, that moves them a long quickly…. say good bye to that line. Say good bye to those pesky Customers…. Ya know what really sucks… To look out the front window of your empty store and watch that line grow out the door of the restaurant across the street.

You may have excuses for the long line, but are they just excuses or are they valid reasons.

The Customers perspective of your business and how you serve him is all that matters.

Forget about what your mom, your wife or your favorite Customers tell you.

Listen to the other customers. The ones who are just getting to know you. They don’t give a hoot about the paperwork you have mounting, the break you want to take or the phone call you just have to make. They care about themselves and what they want and need to make THEIR day better. If you make sure you serve those needs, they will always take care of you…

How can you better serve your Customers? What can you do today that will make a Customers life a little happier?

Lets discuss it. How have you been served by a merchant that either made you feel really great or made you feel like an unwanted pest? Let’s hear the great and the lousy and let’s take lesson’s from both of them!

Talk to me!