And that’s OK… But is it independence?

In an effort to be really Naked with you… I felt like a real freak most of my life… I really felt that I was a misfit. Like I didn’t fit in… Maybe you can relate to that. I was never one of the popular cool kids… I was the kid that got picked on, the kid picked last for sports, and I had a BITCH of a time dating!

Now looking back, I was different. I zigged while other kids zagged. I was always a Theater geek and found a place for myself behind the scenes. Who knew that that was gonna be a life choice. Now the kid that was beat up does special effects for bands like Taylor Swift, The Blue Man Group, Carlos Santana, Mariah Carey etc…

Now I also, based on a lot of my life experience, very successfully Coach many adults to success. Ya see, if I hadn’t been a misfit, I never would have found the lessons I needed to really reach a successful place in life! It’s finally being kinda happy being a misfit, that has made me successful

The reason I tell you this is I am starting a new Coaching program. It will be ONLY for young people, I think 15-21 years old. It will be a safe place for them to communicate their fears, to get feedback on their ideas, and to help them realize that “different” is GOOD! That just because they don’t feel like they fit in doesn’t mean they can’t be wildly happy and successful…

My first group will be in Shelton CT. Not sure where yet, we will do this as a group, a Mastermind if you will. So we’ll limit this to 12 young people. This will be a serious group, though it will also be a LOT of fun. I have proven that if you are passionate about something, you have a dramatically better chance of being successful. Stop trying to fit that square peg into the round hole!

I often fantasized about being a Rock Star and sometimes felt kinda empty because I was just a Roadie… Until one of my friends Charlie Hernandez (Tour Manager for Artist’s like Madonna, and founder of Just A Bunch Of Roadies ) said at one of our conferences “ Ya know if it weren’t for us… these guys would be just a bunch of old guys running around the stage in makeup!”. It was then I realized how important what I do is and how glad I am to be a misfit….

If you would like to be in our first group or if you have a child that you think would be a great addition to the group, just text your name and e-mail address to:

(203) 567-4214

In celebration of Our Nations Independence please enjoy this video that celebrates our individual independence!

Have a safe and happy Fourth of July!

Why is that?

I have my theories as you might imagine…  I think we make decisions early in life based on what other people want, what other people expect from us, regardless of whether it fits into our dreams.

How many people do you know that have a college degree that they worked hard for, and somebody likely spent a lot of money for, and now are either doing something else entirely? I’ll bet you only know a handful of people that are are doing what they were “schooled” for and of the ones that are,  I’ll bet many of them are miserable!

Some of our decisions are made for us… Like children. Many kids are “accidents”. But they are accidents that can change the course of your life! Some of us even go so far as to marry the person that we have an accident with… Kinda like compounding the accident. Before ya say it, I’m all for kids having two parents, I have just seen too many of these situations NOT work out because the parents are miserable with themselves and each other… and the kids feel that, and will pay for that for years to come!

Here’s a challenge for ya, and I have asked this before and gotten some replies, but I challenge you to go deeper this time. To spend some time with this answer. It’s important, so treat it like that!

I’ll do mine and my hope is that you will follow me!

What is your dream?

This will come as no surprise to many of you. I dream of living my life in Key West, Fl. (Now here is where I DON”T want you to stop… Go deeper)

I dream of living a life where I can be in service to other business owners and people. I already have a pretty successful Coaching and Consulting practice, but I want to focus my skills and talents in Key West.

Key West is a small Island, with a LOT of businesses. I want to make a real difference to the city, the community and the people of Key West. I want to help people achieve the dream that they came to key West looking for.

Many people move here looking for a place that they can enjoy a life filled with their friends and family and fun in the sun. Sadly most get lost a long the way, many people haven’t stepped foot  on a boat in years (Even though this was a big chunk of their dreams) I want  to help them find and achieve that dream by helping them grow their businesses, by helping them re-prioritize their lives, by helping them learn to dream again!

I know if I follow this dream fearlessly, if I ignore all the naysayers and jealous people, if I listen to my intuition, in the end, I’ll lay my head to rest for my final rest with a peaceful soul… and that in the end is my dream… To live life with a peaceful, loving soul and a life filled with laughter and love!

See as I wrote this I gained clarity! My dream is really “To live life with a peaceful, loving soul and a life filled with laughter and love!”!

Please take some time to really think about your reply. I would LOVE to help you follow your dream fearlessly as I am!And don’t get me wrong, I go through periods of wondering if I am doing the right thing, but I always, when I search in my heart, realize that I am on the right path to achieve my REAL dream!

I’ll leave you with these lyrics from “The Impossible Dream” from the Musical “The Man OF La Mancha”…

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I’ll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

Good luck and I look forward to your comments!

I was at my Chiropractors office and a report on the TV in the office said a plane had flown into the World Trade Center buildings. I figured it was a small Cessna that lost control… something like that. Horrible for the Cessna pilot and the folks and families of those on board, but not earth shattering. That was the beginning of a really weird and scary couple of months!

It turns out it was a large jet airplane, one of four that would, by the end of the day be crashed by Muslim, Taliban suicide bombers. The death toll was 2996, most of them civilians. Most of them dies when the World Trade Centers in NY, NY collapsed to rubble. It was plain old , down home scary. We had no idea if this was the beginning of something,or was this an isolated attack. Friends of mine that were previously pacifists bought guns, we all felt extremely violated, for the first time in our lives!

Fast forward 10 years. Their is a group of Muslims that want to build a Mosque 600 feet from where the WTC used to stand. And there is a group of folks that are pissed. They find it to be horribly disrespectful! And… there is a group of people that say let them build it…

I happen to be one of them. I say let them build it.

After all, our incredible country was founded on our freedoms; freedom of speech, freedom of religion etc. By stopping these folks from building their house of worship, we are essentially saying that Ossama bin Laden and his band of terrorists won. Heck the Patriot Act has kind of done that.  The Patriot Act strips us of our right to privacy… Please don’t get me wrong… I understand the reasons for all of this. I understand the fear that folks like me had when we were terrorized…

BUT.. I refuse to let them win.

For instance against a lot of pleading friends advice, I flew to Chicago within 30 days of the attack… To not go on and conduct business as usual let’s them win. To live in fear let’s them win. To change our life because we are afraid, lets them win. After all these guys promote terror… give into your fear and their promotions have worked!

Please commit to yourself today that you won’t let these guys win your hearts and minds. If you react in fear because you see someone that does not look like you, perhaps they look a little like and dress like the Taliban guys did, well… you have let them win.

I say build your Mosque. Build a Catholic Church, a Jewish Synagogue, and a  Buddhist Monastery right next to it.. After all, we, as Americans are the most unique race and group of people as many of us are Mutts. And in the end folks, even though we have different beliefs, we look different and have different religious practices.. we’re all flesh and blood. air breathing and blood pumping people. If we are afraid of each other, largely because we don’t understand each other, we have let them win. Don’t let the terrorists win! An educated American is our best weapon!

I bid you love, peace and happiness. My prayers go out to all the families that have lost someone thanks to terrorists.

John

I was driving to see Berta yesterday and my iPod was randomly shuffling through songs.  (As an aside…. I always seem most inspired by music) The universe always picks out what I need when I need it.

The first song was Bruce Springsteen “Born to Run”. Now that song just kicks ass any way ya look at it. But, as I was reflecting my upcoming 50th birthday, it kinda spoke to me. Bruce encouraged me to remember that I was born to Kick Ass! That I was born to push myself to the edge and often just a little over the edge. He reminded me that it was my position and birthright to run and not let ANYONE hold me back! Good message

Next up – and I know this is a shocker that it’s even on my iPod – Miley Cyrus “The Climb”!

Now I’m not a huge fan of teen pop, but my wife loves this one. I never really paid attention to the lyrics… yesterday I did!

Miley encouraged me to reflect on my journey. I realized that often my life has seemed like an uphill climb. Between business associates going off the deep end, family members being well… family members, health issues, etc etc… it just seems like I have been pushing hard for 50 years. And I have!

But I also looked at all of my accomplishments. I looked at all I have learned. I looked at all I had taught.

I have had an amazing Climb! I have accomplished a lot more than I  was ever expected too! I’ve had a lot of challenges but have usually hit them head on and often won… but Miley reminds that we’ll lose sometimes… and that’s OK. It’s part of the climb. Thanks a lot Miley!

The last song on my short ride was Kenny Loggins “Danger Zone”. I’ll bet you remember that as one of the hit songs from one of my favorite fluff films – “Top Gun”. This song always get’s me revving the engines! It reminded me that while I am on this climb that I have to push myself into and past the Danger Zone. I get stopped dead in my tracks sometimes by fear. And I’m starting to recognize that as a warning sign… not a stop sign! I’m starting to develop startegies to deal with the fear and get past it! It’s a really big push for me, and I have to thank Kenny Loggins for reminding me that getting past my fears is part of the equation for success!

It’s great to be 50 years old. I can’t wait to see what the next 50 brings!

Remember – Just “do you”… and remember to kick ass at doing you!

“Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.”

This is a quote from the movie Invictus. Nelson Mandela just took over the country of South Africa as the president after 27 years in prison. He was imprisoned by the people he was now to lead. Mandela decided to integrate the  country, including his security forces When the white capital SAS security guard showed up for work, the black Mandela security guards were shocked! How could they work together?  These were the people that imprison them, these were the people that tortured them, these were the people that raided their village and killed their families.

Mandela asked them to forgive. “Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.”

This was just at the beginning of the movie, but it was such an important message for me. Forgiveness. Such a simple thing, but so hard to do.

It’s so easy to harbor hate and anger. For some reason, it just feels right. Someone has wronged us…  we should be angry with  them. If they don’t apologize  – we don’t forgive them. If we don’t think they’re giving us a genuine apology we don’t forgive them. It’s our righteous way. Actually… It’s our ego talking.

Have you ever been angry at someone for a long time, maybe so long that you almost forgot why you are angry with them? I’ve been there. Harboring my righteous anger.

If you think about it, who is that anger hurting. It’s quite possible the person you’re angry with, doesn’t even  remember that you’re angry with them, maybe, never even knew you are angry with them.

So who are you hurting?

It’s simple, the only person getting hurt is you!.

Perhaps  someone has really wronged you, maybe they really hurt you. I challenge you to think this way; is it possible, that they never really intended to hurt you, but were only doing what they thought was right to preserve themselves.

In the above example I talk about the persecution of the black people in South Africa for decades I challenge that the white population that they were persecuting when Mandela was released from prison maybe forgot what started the persecution 27 years before! Heck, some of them may never have even been born then! But, they were raised angry! They were raised to persecute! They were raised to discriminate!

Were they wrong to do this? Well… of course they were wrong. But, it’s what they were taught and raised to believe was right. So consciously, I think, what they were doing was self-preservation and what they thought was right… not something to really wrong the black people. Does this make them any more right? No. But maybe it gives you a reason, to forgive them.

If you were to drive in America, we drive on the right hand side of the road. If you take a holiday in the UK, and you drive on the right-hand side of the road, never knowing that in the UK, they drive on the left-hand side of the road, are you wrong?

Yes, technically you are wrong. You’ll cause accidents. But it’s all you were ever taught! So could you be forgiven for driving on the right-hand side of the road. Sure. Though… once you realize that you should be driving on the left inside the road, you need to learn to drive on the left-hand side of the road. Otherwise, there will be accidents.

Question… Are you harboring anger against people that have wronged you that may not even realize they did anything wrong. Is it possible that you never expressed you’re anger with them? If so…perhaps they don’t even realize they should ask for your forgiveness.

Just an idea… Maybe it’s time to offer forgiveness more freely. Maybe it’s time to stop harboring such anger. Maybe it’s time to stop hurting yourself by harboring this anger.

Imagine a day without anger. A day without that seething anger that you may be harboring against someone or some group of people for years. Try just letting go of that and forgiving them.

Now your initial gut instinct and knee-jerk reaction, could be righteous. “I have a right to be angry!” “I have a reason to be angry!”  And that may be so…

But who is the anger really hurting? It’s hurting you. Especially, if the other person or party you’re angry at doesn’t even know you’re angry with, or perhaps doesn’t even care that your angry with them!

Make a list of the people you’re angry with. Maybe it’s a shortlist, maybe it’s a long list. Try and remember why you’re angry with them. Pick one person, and forgive them.

You don’t have to make a big production of forgiving them. In your heart, just forgive them. Let it go. Just think to yourself, “It’s silly for me still to be angry with Pete. It was so long ago and it’s water under the bridge. We all make mistakes!” And let go of the anger, take  deep breath and just let it go….

Now doesn’t that feel better! I know, this is easier said than done. But it’s so important, anger is such a dangerous fearful emotion. It is my belief, that anger causes a lot of illness, a lot of pain.

Please try this, I know it may be difficult… But if you really, really, do this. If you really forgive those who harbor anger against you… You WILL  eliminate fear and pain. Good luck!

Fast forward to 2010. I’m now approaching 50, the Internet is commonplace, Facebook is the way we communicate with each other now. I started digging through old friends and found Susan’s Facebook page…. if I’m to be really naked, a bit of trepidation came over me. The 14-year-old boy in me was awakened. Old feelings came up. Am I good enough? Will she friend me back? What if she doesn’t friend me back?

Now logically, none of this really matters. I’ve been married for 10 years, dated my wife for 10 years before that, so what’s the big deal? I realize as I write this, that there is so much old programming that still controls what we do from day to day. As much as I think I’ve gotten rid of my old programming, there’s still a lot of that old beaten-down 14-year-old kid that resides inside my heart. Fear. Insecurity. Self-consciousness. And you know what, as I think about it, I’m not positive you can grow up without things like that programed into you. You’d have to live in such a sanitized world. I think, that you would probably have no personality! Plus… how would we learn, after all it’s the mistakes, bumps and bruises that from who we are today!

So… what have we learned here? Well.. You don’t have to be a slave to your old programming. It’s a matter of recognizing when the old programming kicks in. Then you have a choice… change or allow the old programming to control you. Seems easy… not always so easy.

I do think the secret is in living in the now. It’s about being present, and about being aware of your choices and the fact that you’re making choices. You see, if you’re living in yesterday, or if you’re living in tomorrow, you’ll never be able to see the choices that you make today? It’s only by being fully present, that we can move outside of ourselves and watch the choices we make.

Now this choice was a fairly innocent choice, but there a lot of other choices we make all day long but are not so innocent. When, a car runs you off the road, often the first choice you make is to get angry, to yell at the other driver, probably make an obscene gesture, and perhaps use language you wouldn’t use around your priest! That’s a choice! Now let’s analyze this for one second… many of us drive and are kind of asleep when we drive. This applies to the other driver and to you! Had you been fully present, you would have likely caught the other drivers mistake before it became an issue. If the other driver had been fully present, they would have likely not veered into your lane. Your choice would’ve simply been to make a correction, and go on with your day. You would have been free to make that choice, not get aggravated and a very calmly look at this as another driver’s innocent mistake… not an assault on you.

We make the same choices all day long, with our spouse, with our associates at work, with the person we order our Venti Mocha Latte from. How do we control the choices? I’m starting to understand, that the secret really is being present in the now.  For only when we are present in the now, are we free to make these choices. This is really easy to talk about, but not so easy to make a daily practice.

Here’s an exercise I’d like you to try with me. When wer’e driving, let’s commit to being totally 100% present and really in the now. See how it feels to not be distracted by the music on the radio, by the thoughts of where you’re going, or where you’ve been.  Just focus on what’s happening RIGHT NOW!  How long can you do that for? Try to make it through your whole commute to and from work.

How did that feel? Did you notice that you could make better choices? Did you notice you could make choices?

I’d like to leave you with a quote from Eckhart Tolle…

“Forget about your life situation. Pay attention to your life. Your life situation exists in time. Your life is now. Your life situation is mind–stuff. Your life is real”

Talk to me about the exercise you did above. Did you notice you can make better choices? Can use that in other places in your life? Imagine, being totally present when you sit down at your desk to work. Imagine being totally present, and totally focused on just what you are working on. Do you think you get more done, do you think you get more done faster? Talk to me!

Oh… How did things end up with Susan? She friended me back and we have been getting to know each other. She’s a lovely woman wand a killer artisan. You can see the jewelry she makes at her Facebook page . Glad I thought about it and made the choice!

Living Upward: The Real in Reality

By no means am I immune to or ignorant of the realities that life heaps upon all of us, nor do I want to be. But with this new intentional, purposeful life that is taking shape around me and within me, I’m realizing that there’s nothing …

Publish Date: 05/20/2010 10:37

http://lisaperdue.blogspot.com/2010/05/real-in-reality.html

Does Your Attitude Keep You From Having Quality of Life?

Quality of life is accomplished when attentive attention, goal setting, and purposeful action are organized into an active agreement. Happiness, well being, since of accomplishment, good health, purposeful acts, are all part of your …

Publish Date: 05/19/2010 22:21

http://ekodok.com/does-your-attitude-keep-you-from-having-quality-of-life.html

Purposeful Leadership: Self Leadership: Lead yourself to success

Finally, live life with an open mind and remember that oftentimes other people know you better than you know yourself. Listen to what they are really saying about you and then lead yourself to become what you were created to be. …

Publish Date: 02/25/2010 11:01

http://blog.purposefulpartnerships.com/2010/02/self-leadership-lead-yourself-to-success.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PurposefulLeadership+(Purposeful+Leadership)

We Live for a Purpose, No?

So don’t bother saving a spot for someone who won’t make an effort to stay.” It is, very well said. I should start to open up lots for important people in my life and important events to come by. All for a purposeful life. …

Publish Date: 04/24/2010 14:13

http://thyshackles.livejournal.com/24699.html

ARE YOU LIVING A PURPOSEFUL LIFE?

Am I living a purposeful life? I often ask myself this question? My answer may vary depending on the day, month or even the year that I ask myself this question. At times my answer is yes, at times my answer is no and at times my answer …

Publish Date: 04/18/2010 15:27

http://weownourdreams.blogspot.com/2010/04/are-you-living-purposeful-life.html

‘The Universal Law of Allowing- Wisdom’ (Chp 4) By Dorothy Ratusny.MP4

Dorothy Ratusny, A Psychotherapist and the Author of two books: ‘Live Your Life’s Purpose: A guidebook for creating and living a purposeful life’ and ‘The Purpose of Love: A guiebook for defining and cultivating your most significant relationship’ di…

Wayne Dyer – Ambition to Meaning – The Shift (Part 7 of 12)

Dr. Wayne Dyer – Ambition to Meaning – The Shift ([Part 7 of 12) how to find the path to our Spiritual Purpose and therefore our Greatest JOY. Filmed on coastal Californias spectacular Monterey Peninsula, The Shift captures every persons mid-life lon…

So I gotta a say.. I’m kinda pissed.  For the last few weeks my hands and arms have been really, really stiff and hurting.  So much that it’s hard to get dressed in the morning and typing is a REAL chore! Many will say – “Well… that’s part and parcel with Rheumatoid Arthritis!” ( I’ve had RA since I was about 20 years old… I’m a few decades older now!)

But ya know what…It doesn’t seem like it’s my bones anymore, it seems like it’s my Muscles! I get massaged regularly. Deep almost masochistic massage… very painful but it really is exactly what I need. I get Reiki twice a week and am trying to exercise more… but the pain persists… My Reiki Master Berta Prevosti tells me I’m releasing old anger and sadness… Now I don’t really get the whole Reiki thing, but I know it’s really helpful. I have a lot of faith!

I’ve been on a journey of growth and self exploration for about 10 years… I would have thought I would have gotten where I need to get buy now… but I’m learning that the journey is it’s own end. And when push comes to shove… I LOVE this journey! I LOVE growing! I LOVE helping others grow!

And that’s what keeps me going through really tough times like this. I have a passion. I know what my passion is. It’s kinda funny, but when I’m in service with others, a LOT of my pain goes away…

Do you really know your purpose. Do you really understand what you are here for. Now I’m not perfect with this yet, but I’m getting a lot better! I think many of us walk around and through life in quiet desperation, some of us realize that “there must be more to life than this”… some of us feel that we have peaked, and just figure that their purpose is to maintain status quo… I challenge that there is more for all of us. The power to have more is in our hands. No one can give it to you, you need to take it!

So what is your purpose. Maybe you’re not sure. Let me know if you’d like me to write more on how I found my purpose….

When you find yours will you be as excited as Steve Martin in this Clip?

Talk to me… What is your special purpose… How did you find it?

I learn so much from my dogs. She doesn’t judge and say… “Nah… looks like he’s not giving anything up today.” She just does what she does. She waits and sometimes she is rewarded.

Now imagine if we did this with our lives. Imagine how different life would be if we didn’t get discouraged every time life didn’t reward us the way we thought it should.

Imagine just how different life would be if we didn’t get discouraged every time a customer that we had worked hard to get, didn’t say “Yes”.

Do you think if you adopted Mango’s determination, patience and thick skin you might see more happiness, you might grow your business, perhaps you might add a few smiles to your day.

Now I’m not saying that to be successful all you have to do is sit around hopefully.

Mango comes to me and waits, I don’t call her. Her sister only sometimes comes… and gets rewarded much less often too.

Mango has a plan, she sticks to it and if it doesn’t pay off, she doesn’t whine, she just goes about her day, maybe takes a nap!

I’d love to discuss this with ya, talk to me!

My wife and I went to Montego Bay in Jamaica, and stayed at the Half Moon resort. We had a Beach Front Suite, literally about 20 steps from the Caribbean Sea. % star meals, peace, quiet fun and relaxing.

One of our favorite things to do was a Dolphin Experience. We got to swim with 2 Atlantic Bottle Nose Dolphins that live on the resort in their Dolphin Lagoon. (They also had 4 of the most adorable Dolphin babies there!)

Here’s a little video of our experience!

Pretty cool, huh? It was so great to be able to just – exhale… We spend so much time as Entrepreneurs running and rushing, we really need to just unplug and ‘get the hell out of Dodge!!

I’ll share with you over the next few days some of my insights, and I had a bunch.

I did my best thinking at Sunrise. I LOVE Sunsets on the ocean, but Sunrise has almost a magical feeling to it, it’s so peaceful, so warm, it always inspires me and reminds me that today is a day fill of new possibilities, opportunities and blessings.

More to come tomorrow!
We be Jammin Mon!
John